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Zen Pastiche

A recipe for delicious Zen Pastiche:  

Nobody will tell you it isn’t Not-Hard, but Anybody can do it, it’s Not-Easy. Take one part Whole World, one part Authentic Self, one part Loving-Kindness, and one part Letting Go (you may use Letting Be as a substitute if needed.) Buy a big, brand-new Mu Mixing Bowl from the Annihilated Ego Store, grease it with some Original Face Oil; and add powdered Interbeing, a generous dollop of Spiritual Transformation, some ground Sensitivity, and don’t forget the special spice blend of Receptive Focus. Mix everything together with the Holistic Wooden Spoon. Turn out the Zen Dough onto your Hand Crafted Koan Cutting Board and knead it with your One Clapping Hand. Rinse out your Mu Bowl and warm it with the Hot Water of Attainment, dry it with a clean Mirror-Polishing Cloth, and grease it once more with the Original Face Oil. Place your Zen Dough ball back into the Mu Bowl and put it in a warm place to rise for No Time. When No Time has passed, punch the Dough down with your Fist of Detachment, turn it over and let it rise again, this time for Half of No Time. Form your Zen Dough into Dharma Loaves and bake in your Samsara Oven until it forms a nicely browned Dukkha Crust. Test it with the blade of your Satori Knife, and when the blade comes out clean, it’s Not-Done. Take it out of the Samsara Oven, let it cool for Eternity, and slice it with your Satori Knife into slices thinner than the thickness of a hair. Arrange it neatly on your Plate of Impermanence, take it outside into the Void, and feed it to the Birds of Appetite, while the Solid Iron Flute Band (whom you did not invite, but who just showed up) stands on their heads and plays a wistful Wabi-Sabi Tune. 

Cool! I started to write this as a scoffing sort of commentary on what I call "Self-Help Zen" but it turned around on itself as I wrote it, and it became quite apt. Apter? Inept? Aptless? Hah! I like it!

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