You Know

Psalm 142

4(3) When my spirit faints within me, you watch over my path.

            By the road that I am walking they have hidden a snare for me.

5(4) Look to my right, and see that no one recognizes me.

            I have no way of escape; nobody cares for me.

Lately I’ve been dry as a bone when it comes to inspiration for my writing as drawn from the Daily Lectionary.

Just now I got hung up on the Psalms. Whenever I read them, they seem to be full of enemies; pitfalls set for the innocent; dire wishes that God will smite the wicked (always according to the writer’s idea of who it is that’s wicked); complaints in which the writer whines about various miseries and emotional crises; and, last but not least, an odd sort of formulaic flattery in which God gets praised for being just great and doing wonderful things, in spite of all the scary enemies,  hidden traps, bad people, and terminal angst.

I had no luck on the internet, so I retreated to Robert Alter’s translation:

¹ A David maskil, when he was in the cave, a prayer.

² With my voice I shout to the LORD, with my voice I plead to the LORD.

³ I pour out my speech before Him, my distress before Him I tell,

⁴ when my spirit faints within me, You, You know my path. On the path on which I walk they have laid a trap for me.

⁵ Look on the right and see— there is no one who knows me. Escape is gone for me, no one inquires for me.

⁶ I shouted to You, O LORD. I said, You are my shelter, my lot in the land of the living.

⁷ Listen close to my song of prayer, for I have sunk very low. Save me from my pursuers, for they are too strong for me.

⁸ Bring me out from the prison to acclaim your name. For the righteous will draw round me when You requite me.

I’m not going to reproduce all of Alter’s notes, but he did mention something I thought was important: He says, “In Psalms, help is repeatedly on the right hand, so it is dismaying when there is no one there who knows the speaker.”

Today, this particular psalm spoke directly to me. I’ve literally been ‘looking to the right’ and not seeing anyone who knows me. Very upsetting.

Just the other day, when someone rudely refused to listen to me anymore, and then got up and walked away from me, I suddenly realized that I have choices that I had forgotten that I have the power to make. (I did slam the car door a little bit too hard, and shed a couple of tears, but then…….) Oh, phooey, I’m not sure I can explain it; communicate it; describe it— whatever!

The best I can do is to say that I was looking for help in the wrong places. While I was still upset, I suddenly understood that I could stand on my own two feet, and choose to keep my innermost being just between me and God. I didn’t need to look for help anywhere else.

I also realized that it’s a good idea to choose the people I confide in; to have some idea of their relative kindness and wisdom before pouring out my heart. It was then that I decided not to confide in unreliable people anymore. I decided to start keeping my feelings to myself, and to stop hoping for understanding or kindness from that person. I realized that I had the power, and the right, to change the status of our relationship all on my own. I could choose to withdraw to a distance, and still be perfectly amicable and polite without entrusting any of my fears or doubts to unkind people any more.

Now, here is where it relates to the psalm: I experienced this as a release; an escape; a door into freedom. I was ‘delivered,’ and my instinctive response was one of praise and delight.

So, there you go….

Another thing— I felt some uneasiness about Alter’s use of the word “requite.” It’s not usually seen as a positive word, but in this case I think it’s meant to mean something like “repay” or “reward.” For what, I wonder? I think it could only be the natural result of trust. We trust in God and God requites us with Trust. We love God, and God repays us with Love. We offer duty and faithfulness to God, and God rewards us with Integrity.

And yet another thing: the last verse. From the CJB: “in me the righteous will be crowning themselves, because you will have treated me generously.” I like the ambiguity between the two translations.

You—   

—You know my path.

Fainting or not—

don’t let me go shouting and pleading

to anyone else.

I fall on top of myself—

the trap stares back at me.

—You know.

No escape for me—

no one recognizes who I am.

—You know.

Listen close—

your shelter is drafty with mortal echoes.

—You know.

Let me out—

my freedom will call our friends in from the cold.

—You know.